Will he ever shut up?!?!

This was dug up from the old HillBilly Times updates. This was sent out on 8/10/2000. I omitted the first few paragraphs of the update for brevity sake. It's about a lesson learned involving: A yankee (me), A softball and a walking muscle!

I almost got my butt kicked the other day in a softball game!!! We Were at bat, and probably the least threatening guy on our team (Chuck) hit the ball up the middle...their short stop snagged it and through it to 1st, quite non-chalantly and had Chuck out dead to rights. Well, Instead of the 1st baseman just taggin' the plate (which is all that was required as Chuck was still 10 feet from 1st...the guy held on to the ball and "Tagged" Chuck in the chest (pushed him).

Now let me tell you, this boy playing 1st has got to be the biggest boy in Breathitt County. Not exaggerating, he was at least 6'2'' and at least 260 pounds of pure 20 year old muscle...Heck, the boy was a walking muscle!!! Chuck is all of 5'10'' 180 pounds and not necessarily a jock...he bounced off of him like he hit a brick wall.

Well me and my big mouth (and no one else on our team was going to say anything) not to mention I'm probably the biggest guy on our team so I kinda took it as my duty. Figured, what the heck...he's young, he'll respect my age right???? (Sarcasm implied)...I proceed to say..."Come on Bubba, that was uncalled for!"

His eloquent reply..."What the F... did you call me???" (as he begins to puff up until his head was swallowed by his neck and shoulders and veins begin to pop out of his forearms).

(Keith stunned to silence)

Bubba: "Did you F'n call me Bubba?!?!"

(Keith reaching deep for a little courage) "Yep!" (as I'm walking over to coach 3rd)

Bubba: "That ain't my F'n name Mother F'er".

(Keith...sheepish smirk...no reply.)

Well wouldn't you know it we actually get on a hittin' streak and my turn comes up to bat. (I've been hitting real well lately...pretty much on base every time up).

(Keith to himself) "Fly out, Fly out, come on you can do it, swing at some garbage"

CRACK!!!...Line Drive up the middle.

(Keith to himself) "Oh God, Please be a double, please let it be a double..oh man...Oh No! shallow center fielder...throw to shortstop...SHOOT!!! A single!?!? (whimper)."

Umpire calls "time"...Keith sucks in his gut, tries to flex his entire body to look as firm and tough as possible and walks over to Bubba and offers his hand..."Man I didn't mean anything by that, I've been called 'Bubba' all my life, it's just kinda habit."

Bubba: (shakes hand) "Uhgh" (Grunts).

Needless to say, we lost the game...I think the entire team was afraid of getting their butts kicked by Bubba and figured we'd better throw it!!!

At any rate...two things I've learned since I've been here:

1. People can tell you that you talk funny but don't say it back. When people say things like, "You been packin' that youngin' all day?" and "You'ins goin' down to the swimmin' hole?" and better yet, "Y'all pick me up some Backer (tobacco)" They mean it...i.e. it's not just something they seen on beverly hillbillies...so don't make fun.

2. Probably more important...Unless it's his God given name, Don't call a boy who's neck is bigger than his head, "Bubba".

Well we continue our tourney Saturday...I think I'll play quietly!!! Got to go!!! Y'all be good!

Love & Miss...
Keith & Deb